Sometimes I Thank God, For Unanswered Prayers

One song gave me a perspective that completely shaped my faith and my life in general. So before you even read this blog I need you to listen to the song, fair warning it's a country song  and I know that's not everyone's cup of tea but just listen to the message .

https://youtu.be/9GuA5PZx3K4   Not the original Garth brooks version but it's the closest on YouTube !! 

I'm sure we can all relate to this song. Ive prayed countless nights that God would put me with a certain girl just to grow older and realize that he knows what he's doing up there. I know that by "not answering" my prayer those days , that he will take care of me and put the right person in my life. I've also had this experience with my job. I had an opportunity to work at esurance working in claims and I just missed the cut. I was definitely upset because I needed a job out of college and I prayed so much for that job but my prayers went unanswered. I wondered what I was doing wrong. As I delivered pizzas to the suburbs i would hate myself for not accomplishing more. It was such a trying experience. Eventually a friend of a neighbor helped me get me my first "real" job. Now the job itself  is still a job far far far from a dream but it has given me my first experience in an office. Now the reason I believe God had me miss out on the esurance job was because I needed to meet the people who I've met at my current job. I have met some really amazing people. I would have never thought I would have connected with my coworkers like this , I even met some of my best friends and each have taught me many lessons that I use daily in my life . Since coming in contact with these people I have completely changed my life around and I can't thank these people enough. I can't thank god enough for not answering my prayer. I think that the job itself was not the blessing , I just can't imagine where my life would be if I hadn't met those people and tomorrow something in my life can change and take me elsewhere and I'm sure that I will be much more prepared because of the people god has allowed me to cross paths with.

With that being said where I am is not where I want to be. I am currently discerning law school. Let's see if this a prayer god answers haha.

How many prayers have you said and asked for something . A significant other, a job opportunity , school acceptance ? When it doesn't work out our first instinct is to be broken. What if our first instinct was to say "why did god put me in this position, what is he asking of me" . Instead of being proactive and growing from the experience our first instinct is to break down .... but when we build back up, and we will build back up, we realize that there was a very specific reason that our prayer went unanswered . 

 If you don't get that girl you've prayed about for 8 years, realize that there is good reason. If you don't get into the school you want to, realize that there is a good reason, if you don't get the job that you wanted , realize that there is good reason. Some of the most beautiful things on this planet come from the darkest of places. We have a choice to make, do we focus on what we perceive to be something we are " missing out" on, or do we choose to find the beauty.  Do we realize that this could be the very thing that changes your entire life in all the ways you've always imagined. Do we wither with anger and hate or do we choose to spread love and inspire people. We always have a choice to be happy .

Love y'all

Chris, The Heir of Slytherin

"Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers" - Garth brooks 

Clean Living

These past few months have been one hell of a ride. I started off at a husky 252 lb man, lazy and unmotivated I was at a crossroads. I was a lonely, angry,  selfish person. I looked at myself, I looked at my life, I looked at my interactions with others, and I just knew I needed more. There had to be more to my life than this. I began to challenge my old self to live the life I deserved.

I began with something that was easily measurable, my weight. I started to eat paleo ( eating clean, whole 30 type of deal). I eliminated processed foods except for some dairy. No more grains, no more soda or sugary juice, I eliminated a lot of foods that were impacting my body so negatively. This began in June. It is now October and I'm proud to say I've lost 34 pounds since then. It has been far from easy, I've "cheated" on multiple occasions but I would say 90 percent of my days I eat completely clean. I experiment all the time with paleo friendly foods to try to find something that reminds me of all the shitty food but that actually isn't bad for you lol. So I created the Slytherin Slam. It's a 1/3 lb burger, grilled, then wrapped in bacon, and baked, covered with your favorite cheese (jalapeño cheddar) served with a fried egg on top. Sooooooo yeah people are like that can't be healthy .... well I've lost 34 lbs in 4 months eating like this sooooo pound sand lol. Cool idea too, almond milk, honey, Greek yogurt and your favorite fruit, blended then frozen then blended, its like soft serve ice cream and it's absolute heaven !

This was just the start to my new way of life. I hated being so miserable . I started googling ways to be happy when you are always upset and things of that nature. I came across a blog that explained by setting clear goals for yourself, being 100 percent honest with yourself, and going out of your way to impact others in a positive light would actually improve my own life. So I said why not let me see how this goes. I've realized that I am a much more pleasant person to be around . I'm much more understanding , much more adaptable , just a much more vibrant being.

Lately I've been doing something on Facebook, where I ask if anyone needs help and I know some of you have made funny comments on it just messing around but I want you to know that there are people who Do really need help. I am blessed to be in a position where I can help others. What's crazy is as complicated and inconsistent as my life is, I still have room for others. I wish people reached out to others more often. Even the happiest people have deep pain in their hearts sometimes . We are so focused on ourselves we don't realize how simple it is for us to help someone. So simple . I've said prayers for people , ran errands for people , helped people with presentations, discussed life with people and it literally would take at most an hour out of my day. I tell everyone I help that I appreciate them thanking me, but I would really appreciate it if they would bring light to others. This is what powers me. When I know I can have a positive impact on others. Sometimes I'm so concerned for others that I lose my self and that is something I work on everyday.


I want you guys to know this process is not easy, I'm not always as happy as I seem, I am far from perfect, but I strive everyday to myself , the person I want to be, and be a light for others. I love you all so very much, keep being a light to the world!

Chris, Heir of Slytherin

YA BOY IS BACK!!! (Doing me to the Me-ist)

Dreams are a bitch man

I had a really weird dream last night. I was having my engagement party (News to me) and someone from my past tried to show up and explain themselves and why they treated me the way they did. I laughed in their face. It was very very rude of me, but I had no interest in hearing any explanation.I woke up with a mixed bag of feelings. Part of me definitely missed this person. Part of me was upset that they had the nerve to do this at my dream engagement party. I was just all over the place. After speaking with one of my coworkers I had a breakthrough. I used to feel like I needed to change my life for others.

WHY!?!?!?! Why should others opinions or feelings change MY life trajectory? I used to feel I needed to lose weight and get in shape for a girl. Now I want to be healthy for myself! Since June I have gone from 252 lbs and swollen looking down to 222 lbs and just a little chunky. I have been eating right and working out because I want to live a long healthy life. I used to think if I was sweet enough any girl would jump at the opportunity to be with me, now I am just a genuinely nice person. One thing I always worry about is being to nice of a person and having people assume I have ulterior motives because they aren't used to someone who's real. I'm not going to be less kind and less thoughtful because of that though, I am going to keep being the amazing person I know I can be. I went to college because my parents told me I should and I didn't want to let them down. Now I am preparing for the LSAT in an attempt to go to law school, and that is because I WANT TO. I have decided to change my life for MYSELF.

That dream just highlighted how much my life has changed. It highlighted how the people I have surrounded myself with have changed. All of my close friends support my growth, they don't force me to change to fit their idea of a perfect person, they let me be me. I love where my life has taken me. I love the people God has handpicked to be in my life. I love the person I am becoming.

We are each individually spectacular. We should never feel that our value is based on anything but our own opinions of yourselves. We should want to grow as people for ourselves, we should want to grow for our own life goals, we should want to grow to be the best version of ourselves, a version we can truly be proud of. Im sure some of you think that it is unattainable or that the world is such a cruel place that you will never be happy, I am just here to tell you that that is not the case. One thing that makes us so spectacular is that each of us have the ability to be happy within our own hearts. We can do this!!!

I love you all

Remember, dreams are a bitch, but sometimes they remind us of how far we have come and how much further we can go!

Chris, The Heir of Slytherin

My Hero (happy birthday dad)

I thank God everyday for blessing me with the family that I have. My father's birthday was earlier this week but he was out of town so today is the day I'm celebrating his birthday with him. That being said I wanted to let you all know how important my dad is in my life and how thankful I am to have a father like him.

My dad is my best friend. Growing up my father always coached my sports teams. I know the last thing he wanted to spend his spare time on was coaching a bunch of rugrats in baseball and football. He did it though, because he knew that those were moments I would cherish forever. My dad always treated me like my teammates, some didn't even know he was my dad. He thought it was the only way to be fair and impartial. He made me earn my playing time like everyone else. My dad showed me at a very young age how important it was to be a man of high character.

Since I was a wee little lad, my father has always taken me to sporting events. We have been to the Stanley Cup, the World Series, Bucs Games, Eagles Games, WWF Smackdown (yeah WWF). My dad has always been the father that all of my friends wish they were blessed with. When I look back at most of my favorite memories in my life there is one constant, my father, my best friend, right there by my side.

I have never met another man with my fathers work ethic. I have never met another man who cares about his family the way my father does. No matter the sacrifice, my father would make it a million times over to make me, my brother, or my sister happy.

My father served his country proudly for 20 years. He worked two jobs to put food on the table for my family. My dad has always gone the extra mile for his family, friends, and country. Although at times he is short tempered (wonder if that's where I get it from haha) I have never met a man with the heart that my father has. He constantly goes above and beyond the call of duty in all aspects of his life

Speaking of call of duty, I haven't even mentioned my fathers alter ego GrillMaster62. My father plays battlefield and call of duty with me and my friends on xbox live. He actually enjoys it now, but the only reason my father would play video games was because he knew how much I enjoyed it. My father has a funny way of making everyone feel loved by the little things he does. Far too often people overlook the little things. Im pretty sure even he overlooks all of the little things he has done for me.

My father taught me how to work hard and play harder. My father taught me to love with my whole heart. My father taught me how to be a man of God while being a man for the people. My father is the most special individual I have ever met. I am blessed to call my father my best friend and truly mean it. I love you so damn much pops, I am doing everything I can to make you proud.

Your son,
Christopher

Sometimes Being There For Someone, Involves Not Being There

I believe the true beauty of this world lies within the individuals that inhabit it. Growing up, I spent so much time worrying about the feelings of others that I had lost sight of the direction I wanted for my own life. I thought being a good friend was giving my friends money when they needed it, driving them places, taking the blame from them when they f'd around in school, and basically dedicating my life to their happiness. On the surface there is nothing innately wrong with my thoughts on friendship however as I've grown older I have learned a thing or two about what healthy relationships entail.

A healthy friendship should be give and take. It should be so give and take that no one keeps score. When I was younger I would do things for my friends "out of the kindness of my heart" but I would hold those friends whom I had done things for responsible for not having that same level of dedication that I had. I would always feel like I was doing so much for others and would never receive anything in return. This is what happens when you do not show your self as much attention as you show others. It is impossible to give of your heart without expectation of return when you yourself are in need of love. The most elusive lesson that I had eventually learned was that if you want more love in your life whether its friends, family, or significant others... It starts with loving ourselves.

Towards the later stages of my 7 year stint in college I began to grasp this concept. Find things that YOU love and do them! For me, I began to battle rap, I began to write a blog (somewhere tucked away on a flash drive are those very depressing blogs haha), I began to read, and many other little things that made me happy. My 4th year of college I met the kid who I consider to be my best friend. Over the years I have considered him to be the younger brother I never had. He has been a blessing in my life and one of the few friends that I have where the give and take is not based on some imaginary scoreboard but based solely on love. There was a point last year where every couple of weeks I would send him 20 bucks when he would mention being strapped financially. He would get paid a week later and send me 40 and thank me for helping. When we were roommates we would bring each other dinner randomly. We have always had each others backs. He taught me a lot about how friends are supposed to treat each other and I thank him quite often for being such a great brother to me.

OK so I know I'm a bit all over but stay with me, it will all tie together fam, I promise.

So far we have

1. Love yourself before you try to give your heart to others.

2. Relationships/Friendships are all give and take without keeping score

Throughout my life, I have been someone who has let the opinions of others dictate my life. I surrounded myself with people who complimented me or thought I funny because I liked the attention. I loved the facade of love they were showing me. In reality, they were just being nice. None of them thought those nice things they would say to me but they knew I was someone they could take advantage of so they were extra nice to me knowing they would see some return. I was attached to people because of my own insecurities. It got to a point when I finally had realized what was going on and I didn't want anything to do with anyone. This was the point that I needed a real friend. I needed a friend who understood that being there, does not always mean being there.

I needed a friend who understood the first two points I discussed earlier. Someone who was comfortable enough with themselves to give their love without expectation of return and someone that understood that there is not a scoreboard for friendships. My buddy Brandan stepped up huge. He loved me knowing I was not in a position to give him anything in return. He would come by, bring me food, do his homework in my room just to keep me company, all the while I was extremely depressed and not someone anyone would want to be around. At first he would try to get me to go out drinking or to hang out with some of his fraternity brothers but I would always tell him I'd rather be in my room. Instead of pressuring me or telling me that I needed to get out he just let me know that if I needed anything that he would be here for me. He gave me space and he showed me love by just checking in and saying hello. Sometimes we are so focused on trying to solve everyone's problems we forget that a lot of the time what someone really needs is just to know that you are there if you need them and the space to figure things out on there own. This is what I mean by being there doesnt mean BEING THERE. You can support someone without being overbearing or pressuring. Stop trying to solve peoples problems and just love them through their dark times. If they ask for advice defintiely provide but don't try to force your solutions on them. Coming from someone that has been through a lot I can tell you that acting like only pushes them further away.

So in Recap,

Learn to love yourself

Friendships don't have scoreboards

and learn to be there for people, without being there

Love with your whole heart. No fine print. No attachments. LOVE

Chris, The Heir of Slytherin

"I was told the true definition of man was to never cry, work till you're tired, got to provide. Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means, and give them the things that they need"- Musiq Soulchild (How to Love)

Live Your Life: The Door

Something that I used to have trouble with was the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone. I honestly think that I was more afraid of my own success than I ever have been of failure. I used to just sit in my room all day and night play xbox and listen to music. I started spreading my wings more in college and I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of doing something that tested my limits. Last night I started Salsa lessons. I have wanted to learn Salsa for a long time but was never able to pull the trigger on it. Thanks to my friend Dennis and a little help from Groupon, I finally made it happen. It was a damn blast! I am going back on Friday to repeat the class I did last night just because I had a genuinely great time! I am planning on doing a podcast with Dennis tonight and although we aren't completely set on topics one thing we want to talk about is the idea that we all have a list of things we want to experience. I will save my list of experiences for the podcast but in my blog today I want to talk about why it is important to stretch your wings.

The Door:

There is a door, well technically it is a double door. The door is three stories tall towering over anyone that stands in front of it. It is very intimidating standing on the other side of that door. The wood is a dark mahogany, darker than any wood Marcus has ever seen as if it is the final barrier between good and evil and is soaking up all of the hate in the world and keeping it trapped behind it.  Across the double doors are multiple iron bars giving even more traction to the idea that on the other side is some form of demon that can not be allowed into the world. Marcus has been told his entire life that there is beauty behind the door and that one day he would be ready to fully understand it. Today is not that day.

Marcus begins his day much like he does most days. He brushes his teeth, washes his face, and then takes a little gel through his hair before he slicks it over to the right creating a part that could have only been straighter had someone drew it with a ruler. Marcus begins to smell two very familiar and very tantalizing smells. The sweet scent of cinnamon intertwining with crisp smell of bacon as it crackles on the stove. As soon as those scents touch his nostrils, Marcus begins to pick up his pace. He runs down the stairs and joins his mother and father in the kitchen. "I made your favorite Marcus, French toast with bacon! Only the best for the birthday boy!" his mother shouts as she dances around the kitchen like she was the star of black swan."It's your 18th birthday Marcus, you ready to finally open the door?" his dad adds with a sarcastic tone. Marcus' father had always been difficult with him. Ever since Marcus decided on his 13th birthday that he was not ready to open the door, his father has been disappointed in just about everything Marcus did.

Marcus lived most of his life misunderstood, scared, and alone. He would pass his days by reading books, listening to his favorite records, and helping his mother take care of the house. He enjoyed reading because it took him to a world outside of the estate, something he has never actually experienced. When he was reading, he felt safe in his house, but was able to mentally travel behind the mahogany door and into the open world. His mother used to read to him when he was a child and now they would both read the same books so they would have more things to talk about.

What his dad did not know, was that Marcus did not want anything more than to move the iron bars from between the mahogany doors and breathe in the world. His dad's attitude towards him definitely did not instill much confidence in Marcus and although his mother was supportive, the negative thoughts still overwhelmed him. What if behind the door there truly was demons hiding among the beauty of the world , sitting, watching, waiting for Marcus to swing the enormous doors open and step out. Marcus also worried that maybe, just maybe, the world he imagined from his books is not as stunning and beautiful as his mind has created it. Once he opens that door, there is no going back. That is what scares Marcus more than anything, he knows once the door opens, his world will change forever.

Marcus excuses himself from dinner, his mother made him lasagna and garlic bread, but Marcus wasn't hungry. Marcus had so much more on his mind. He climbs into bed, pulls the cord to turn on the Edison lamp on his nightstand, and picks up the book he was reading "All the Light We Cannot See". He wanted to read it just merely based on the title. His life was dark and gloomy, beyond those mahogany doors lay a world full of possibilities, but inside the estate he sees no light. The book speaks of a young girl Marie-Laure who has been blind since a very young age. Her father builds models of Paris and teaches her ways to navigate the busy streets with just a cane. Marcus loves the way the author describes Paris. His words create such vivid images of the city that Marcus can feel the breeze as if he is standing in the middle of the rue de Rossiers, with cars driving by, he can smell the cafes, the bakeries, these emotions are why Marcus loves to read. His heart racing, Marcus pulls the comforter off of his chest, flicks on the ceiling light, and begins to search through his closet. He is throwing things all over looking for one thing in particular. Finally, after a few minutes of trashing his room, he finds what he was looking for. It is a red backpack with his name stitched on it. His mother gave him the backpack for his 13th birthday, the day he was supposed to open the door for the first time. He had never even bothered to open it because in his heart, he knew he was not going to remove the iron bars on the doors, not that day, and possibly not ever. Tonight is different, he has finally decided that tonight, his world will change forever. He readies a few of his belongings and he unzips the backpack. Inside he finds a small tin with the words, "For Marcus to be opened on the biggest day of his life". Inside, were 5 year old snickerdoodle cookies, which he was disappointed  he hadn't found sooner, and a letter.

My dearest Marcus,
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. The world beyond the doors of this estate is full of beauty and adventure. Your father told me not to write you this, because you shouldn't be "babied" but you will always be my baby Marcus. Your father has been tough on you because he does not see what I see beyond the doors. Your father sees darkness, he sees disease, he sees creatures that can kill a man within minutes. Your father has tried to prepare you the best way he can for the world beyond the doors and my job is to remind you that we all see different things behind the doors. When I open the doors I see life. I see the beauty of the oak trees and the creatures that inhabit it, I enjoy the smell of the forest, the sounds of the birds as they glide through the air together. I don't need you to see what I see and I certainly don't need you to see what your father sees. I want you to experience the world for yourself and I want to let you know that no matter happens beyond the doors.... that I will always ALWAYS love you. I am excited for you to take this step in your life and I have included snickerdoodles so you have something to snack on while you are out and about. I love you son,

-Momma


Marcus begins to use the side of his comforter to clear the tears out of his eyes. He knows what must be done. He grabs his boots, his backpack, and heads downstairs. The estate is dark and quiet the only sound to be heard is Marcus' boots smacking against the hardwood floors of the hallway. He approaches the door. Marcus begins to inspect the door like he never has before. The gigantic doors must be heavy Marcus thinks and he gives it a knock. It may be even more sturdy than he thought. He unlatches the iron bars and carefully lifts them as to not wake his parents. Marcus opens the door and for the first time in his life breathes in the fresh air of the world around him. Tears running down his face, he steps forward. The moons light casting a blue glow to the world around him. It is as beautiful as he read. The smells were everything he had imagined. The world used to be an imaginary place that Marcus would only read about and here he was, standing under the stars. He was always scared of this moment, that he would be greeted with lions and tigers chasing him to his death but instead it was the most spectacular thing he could have ever imagined. He looked back towards the estate, looked at the moon, and walked away from his world and into the beautiful world that he was no longer afraid of.



Stop being afraid of whats beyond the door. We need to be courageous, take chances, and live our life on our terms and not the terms of others. Enjoy this beautiful world kiddos and don't let anyone, even a parent, or loved one, take your peace.



Thank you all for taking the time to read this, I hope you enjoyed it!

Chris, Heir of Slytherin

"Don't worry, about a thing, because every little thing, is gonna be alright" Bob Marley (3 Little Birds)

Define Yourself

Inspiration is a beautiful thing. Inspiration causes ripple effects that individually we can never fully understand. I read my friends blog yesterday and her words inspired this blog. I hope this ripple effect can help more of you understand how important it is to define yourself.

Far too often we are concerned with the opinions of others. We worry that if we dare have a different opinion, a different view of the world, or a different outlook on living that we will be seen as inferior. I have good news and bad news for y'all. Bad news first. Bad news is you've probably spent most of your life feeling alone, feeling like you are so different from others that maybe just maybe you are doing this whole thing wrong. That's really shitty news, I know. The good news is that everyday you can choose to accept your own definition of yourself or others definitions of us.

Why do we choose others? Why do we allow others thoughts define our own? We have a major flaw in logic. We spend more time with us than anyone, why do others opinions effect our happiness? It's because we lack the self confidence to define ourselves. We rely on the words of others to be a boost to us, when in reality we have all of the keys to happiness in our own hearts. You don't have to do what me or my friend are doing, posting a literal definition of ourselves (If you want to that would be really sweet I would love to read some of yalls thoughts on yourselves) but at the very least, grab yourself a notebook and your favorite writing utensil and define yourself.


Here we go:

I am 26 Years old. I have an obsession with music. I feel that all types of music contain a form of beauty. I know, some people just can't grasp how you can find beauty in the lyrical clusterbang of rappers like Young Thug or 2Chainz but me.... I love that type of shit. I love listening to Reggae music, I love Franki Valle and the Four Seasons, I love Blake Shelton, Eric Church, Lil Wayne, Drake, EDM like Griz, Bassnectar, Skrillex, I just love music. I love how different songs can generate various emotions in each and every person. I love writing. I love writing creatively like short stories or my rap battle material. I also enjoy writing things like my blog and letters to close friends and family. I feel that there are so many words in the English language that can describe people, places, or things and we instead use phrases like "today was pretty good" instead of phrases like "today was exceptional, today was incredible, spectacular, splendid, stellar" any of those! I thoroughly enjoy playing video games with my friends, I enjoy binge watching netflix. I love sitting on the beach at night alone or with a close friend, just staring at the night sky while the noise of the dark blue water mixes smoothly with the breeze of that salty air. I love that shit. I have become an avid reader and I believe it has expanded my horizons mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I love God with all of my heart but the way some people of the church treat others in this world really grinds my gears. I believe that because of how differently we all think the most important thing in relationships (friends, significant others, spouses) is communication. Communication of thoughts, ideas, our past, our future, the things that make us tick, and the things that make us tock. I feel that most problems can be solved with calm and honest communication. I am definitely different. I love the smell of fried food, new books, and new video games about equally. I laugh heartily at my own jokes. I used to believe that people would judge me if I allowed them past all of the walls I had put up. Recently, I said fuck the walls. I've spent the past few months getting rid of all of the barriers. As much as I thought they were holding people back from meeting the real me, they were actually holding me back from meeting the real me. I think snickers peanut butter squares are better than regular snickers. I think that sneaking spinach into everything I eat is a genius idea. I once stopped talking to a girl in high school because she was a Yankees fan. When I have a family all of the children will be Eagles fans. I know, my wife will have some say but SPOILER ALERT, if she marries me she understands what the Eagles mean to me soooooo she will be alright. I know how amazing I am. That's not cockiness, that's just factual. I will never let someones opinion of me change my opinion of myself. If you don't agree with my ideologies, that's cool... I want to know why. I want to know about your thoughts, your ideas, your passions. I want to see things from your side.

Everyone has things about them that make them special. Everyone has hobbies they are passionate about that we may never be able to relate to, that's OK. Quite honestly I don't want friends that are 100 percent like me because I feel that I will never be able to grow with them. My life focus is constant growth and progression.



Thank you all for accepting me for who I am and being beacons of light in my life.

Love you all so damn much

Chris, Heir of Slytherin

"I don't fear nothing but God and weddings, at the top of my paper like I'm startin a heading" - Lil Wayne (I Cant Feel My Face)