Dreams are a bitch man
I had a really weird dream last night. I was having my engagement party (News to me) and someone from my past tried to show up and explain themselves and why they treated me the way they did. I laughed in their face. It was very very rude of me, but I had no interest in hearing any explanation.I woke up with a mixed bag of feelings. Part of me definitely missed this person. Part of me was upset that they had the nerve to do this at my dream engagement party. I was just all over the place. After speaking with one of my coworkers I had a breakthrough. I used to feel like I needed to change my life for others.
WHY!?!?!?! Why should others opinions or feelings change MY life trajectory? I used to feel I needed to lose weight and get in shape for a girl. Now I want to be healthy for myself! Since June I have gone from 252 lbs and swollen looking down to 222 lbs and just a little chunky. I have been eating right and working out because I want to live a long healthy life. I used to think if I was sweet enough any girl would jump at the opportunity to be with me, now I am just a genuinely nice person. One thing I always worry about is being to nice of a person and having people assume I have ulterior motives because they aren't used to someone who's real. I'm not going to be less kind and less thoughtful because of that though, I am going to keep being the amazing person I know I can be. I went to college because my parents told me I should and I didn't want to let them down. Now I am preparing for the LSAT in an attempt to go to law school, and that is because I WANT TO. I have decided to change my life for MYSELF.
That dream just highlighted how much my life has changed. It highlighted how the people I have surrounded myself with have changed. All of my close friends support my growth, they don't force me to change to fit their idea of a perfect person, they let me be me. I love where my life has taken me. I love the people God has handpicked to be in my life. I love the person I am becoming.
We are each individually spectacular. We should never feel that our value is based on anything but our own opinions of yourselves. We should want to grow as people for ourselves, we should want to grow for our own life goals, we should want to grow to be the best version of ourselves, a version we can truly be proud of. Im sure some of you think that it is unattainable or that the world is such a cruel place that you will never be happy, I am just here to tell you that that is not the case. One thing that makes us so spectacular is that each of us have the ability to be happy within our own hearts. We can do this!!!
I love you all
Remember, dreams are a bitch, but sometimes they remind us of how far we have come and how much further we can go!
Chris, The Heir of Slytherin
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