A healthy friendship should be give and take. It should be so give and take that no one keeps score. When I was younger I would do things for my friends "out of the kindness of my heart" but I would hold those friends whom I had done things for responsible for not having that same level of dedication that I had. I would always feel like I was doing so much for others and would never receive anything in return. This is what happens when you do not show your self as much attention as you show others. It is impossible to give of your heart without expectation of return when you yourself are in need of love. The most elusive lesson that I had eventually learned was that if you want more love in your life whether its friends, family, or significant others... It starts with loving ourselves.
Towards the later stages of my 7 year stint in college I began to grasp this concept. Find things that YOU love and do them! For me, I began to battle rap, I began to write a blog (somewhere tucked away on a flash drive are those very depressing blogs haha), I began to read, and many other little things that made me happy. My 4th year of college I met the kid who I consider to be my best friend. Over the years I have considered him to be the younger brother I never had. He has been a blessing in my life and one of the few friends that I have where the give and take is not based on some imaginary scoreboard but based solely on love. There was a point last year where every couple of weeks I would send him 20 bucks when he would mention being strapped financially. He would get paid a week later and send me 40 and thank me for helping. When we were roommates we would bring each other dinner randomly. We have always had each others backs. He taught me a lot about how friends are supposed to treat each other and I thank him quite often for being such a great brother to me.
OK so I know I'm a bit all over but stay with me, it will all tie together fam, I promise.
So far we have
1. Love yourself before you try to give your heart to others.
2. Relationships/Friendships are all give and take without keeping score
Throughout my life, I have been someone who has let the opinions of others dictate my life. I surrounded myself with people who complimented me or thought I funny because I liked the attention. I loved the facade of love they were showing me. In reality, they were just being nice. None of them thought those nice things they would say to me but they knew I was someone they could take advantage of so they were extra nice to me knowing they would see some return. I was attached to people because of my own insecurities. It got to a point when I finally had realized what was going on and I didn't want anything to do with anyone. This was the point that I needed a real friend. I needed a friend who understood that being there, does not always mean being there.
I needed a friend who understood the first two points I discussed earlier. Someone who was comfortable enough with themselves to give their love without expectation of return and someone that understood that there is not a scoreboard for friendships. My buddy Brandan stepped up huge. He loved me knowing I was not in a position to give him anything in return. He would come by, bring me food, do his homework in my room just to keep me company, all the while I was extremely depressed and not someone anyone would want to be around. At first he would try to get me to go out drinking or to hang out with some of his fraternity brothers but I would always tell him I'd rather be in my room. Instead of pressuring me or telling me that I needed to get out he just let me know that if I needed anything that he would be here for me. He gave me space and he showed me love by just checking in and saying hello. Sometimes we are so focused on trying to solve everyone's problems we forget that a lot of the time what someone really needs is just to know that you are there if you need them and the space to figure things out on there own. This is what I mean by being there doesnt mean BEING THERE. You can support someone without being overbearing or pressuring. Stop trying to solve peoples problems and just love them through their dark times. If they ask for advice defintiely provide but don't try to force your solutions on them. Coming from someone that has been through a lot I can tell you that acting like only pushes them further away.
So in Recap,
Learn to love yourself
Friendships don't have scoreboards
and learn to be there for people, without being there
Love with your whole heart. No fine print. No attachments. LOVE
Chris, The Heir of Slytherin
"I was told the true definition of man was to never cry, work till you're tired, got to provide. Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means, and give them the things that they need"- Musiq Soulchild (How to Love)
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